Step one: Watch this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Idlt9c4vA_o
Step two: Read what's written below
I laughed when I watched this video because, well, it is funny. But then I started thinking, why do we need 101 ways to say no to sex? Why isn't no enough? The answer, quite unfortunately, is that we live in a rape culture. Now, I know what you're thinking. This is America, everyone is equal and we're tough on crime, how the heck could we live in a rape culture?! In order to quell some of these doubts, allow me to hit ya with some statistics:
*1 in 4 women in the United States is a survivor of rape.
*1 in 5 college age women is a survivor of rape.
*1 in 6 men in the United States is a survivor of rape and usually experienced their rape before they turned 18.
*4-5% of men are rapists which means that this particular group of men is raping more than one woman since 1 in 5 women are raped and 50.8% of the country is female.
*The majority of men who rape both men and women are heterosexual men.
*44% of victims are under 18
*80% of victims are under 30
*97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail
*2/3 of all rapes are committed by someone the victim knows.
So, lets talk about this. According to these statistics it is very possible that you know someone who has survived rape or sexual assault at the hands of someone they knew. It is also likely that the incident was never reported and the attacker never went to jail or suffered any consequences. This is all because we live in a rape culture which means we live in a society that has no problem objectifying women and teaches young boys that being aggressive is the same thing as being a man. Also, we live in a society which would rather blame the victims than punish the perpetrators. For example, from a young age girls are taught not to wear risque clothing, not to get "too" drunk, to never go anywhere alone, to never ever go anywhere alone at night, to always watch our drinks, to never take drinks from strangers, and to never put ourselves in a situation where we can be taken advantage of. We are told that a violation of any of these rules could result in assault/rape which implies that if we don't follow these rules, then we deserve what we get, that the assault was our fault. And you may be thinking, "wow, that's kinda harsh" but it's true and there is research to back it up. Forensic psychologists have found that jurors are more likely to blame rape victims and go easy on rapists if the victim has a sexual history of any kind, was wearing a dress, skirt, or skin baring clothing at the time of the attack, or was intoxicated at the time of the attack.
That is unacceptable. In fact, it is abhorrent and I am disappointed in our society because we teach girls that it is there fault if they get raped,but we never teach boys not to rape. We don't talk to them from young ages and tell them that no means no, that the inability to say yes means no, that the absence of a yes means no, that tears mean no, that plying a girl/boy with alcohol to get her/him to sleep with you is rape, that taking advantage of drunk women/men is not consent, that pressuring him/her to have sex with you either by threatening them or telling them they don't love you if they don't sleep with you, is not consent and is most likely sexual assault. And if we do teach boys these things, we don't do it with any of the fervor, seriousness, or repetition that we use when we tell girls not to dress like a "slut" and not to get too drunk.
This is a problem ladies and gentlemen and I urge you to become an advocate. I encourage you spread that word that we live in a rape culture and that is not a good thing. It is not funny that people are posting videos on youtube teaching/making a joke out of all the ways someone needs to say no to someone's sexual advances. Because no should be enough. In fact, the absence of an enthusiastic yes, should be enough.
Remember, no one wants to be raped. No one was asking for it, and it is never the victims fault. Never.
P.S.if you would like articles and citations for where I got the statistics I'd be happy to give them to you. Most of them came from my training as a peer educator and my forensic psychology text book.
