Princesses, Party Boys, and Finding the Meaning of Love

On my 17th birthday the woman in my Church whom I had always seen as my Jacksonville grandmother, told me that turning 17 was one of the most memorable moments in her life. It was memorable, she said, because 2 days after her 17th birthday, she married her husband. As of today, they will have been married 63 years. When asked how she felt about her long and seemingly happy marriage, she grinned and said "You know what, you always love em', but I acutally still like him."

They are my heroes. Married for 63 years and they still like each other! But, as much as I idolize them and the beautiful life they live together, a love like there's is a completely foreign concept to me. After all, I went to a high school where love was conjured in a matter of weeks and people changed romantic partners like they changed their socks. College isn't much different, there are just fewer taboos and a lot more booze. But still, even though I don't quite understand it, or see it everyday, I truly believe that love exists, it just doesn't exist in any of the forms we think it does.

Example A: Disney movies-ALL LIES. Riding off into the sunset isn't all it's cracked up to be because guess what ladies and gents-THE SUN GOES DOWN EVENTUALLY. Sure Prince Charming looks great in the glow of the evening, but can you handle him in the pitch black darnkess of night when the snakes come out and the horse is tired? What about after you've been busy being in distress and he's been busy fighting dragons, and because he was saving you from your tower, he forgot to pack a tent in those armoured saddle bags and the next town doesn't have a Holiday Inn Express so your forced to sleep on the ground? There is a reason we don't get to see the Princesses after they live "Happily Ever After", and it's because you can't explain the trials of marriage to a 5 year old girl who probably won't want to own everything Cinderella if she knew that her and Prince Charming are barely hanging on because he accumulated too much debt from horse racing and lost the castle.

Example B: Chick Flicks-MORE LIES. I do love a good tear jerker, but let's be honest, how many rich hot guys give up a life of partying and ridiculously gorgeous jezebels for a girl who's kind of a a control freak,pretends to hate him half the movie and ends up being pretty stubborn? I've never met one in the flesh, and I'm not entirely sure I blame rich hot guys for forgoing commitment with a doozy for one night stands with a floozy. The reality of the situation is that guys don't change. You know why? Because they're human too! I don't want to change who I am for a guy sooooo why would I ask him to do the same?

Example C: Romance novels-LIES AND SLANDER. I admit, they are a lot of fun to read, but they combine both examples a and b and magnify each of them by infinity and beyond. It's cruel really.

So what can we take from all fo this? Well, I can't force you to have an opinion or to agree with mine but, this is my blog so I get to say whatever I think and I think this: that love isn't what makes people get married, it's what happens between all the memorable moments in life. It's not the anniversary presents or the propsal. It isn't the ring, or the wedding, or the night you met it's actually wanting to share your life with someone else. It's riding off into the sunset and not killing each other when you're cold, and broke, and have lost evertyhing. It's being there when the world is crashing down and it seems hopeless. It's doctors visits, and soccer practice, and bills. Unemployment, poverty, bad days, foul moods, deployments, business trips, labour pains, tooth aches, accidents, and everything else that rains on your parade. But it's also being happy for someone else no matter how your life is shaping up. It's celebrating births, new jobs, good grades, success, homecomings, vacations, birthdays, holidays, and just reveling in the existance of another person. Love isn't seeing someone and concluding that they are flawless, it is realizing that the other person is human and accepting their flaws flawlessly. It's missing someone when they are gone.

Love is continuous. It changes, it evolves, it grows faint, but it never disappears completely. If it did, how else would marriages and friendships be able to survive in the tumultuous storms or life?

I know I'm young and have a lot to learn. I know that I'm no expert on love, or sex, or relationships: but there are so many people in my life that prove to me each and everyday that love is all around me. And sure, nothing is perfect. But, to lose faith in love, to assume that it does not exist, would be to ignore all of the people in my life that love me enough to throw a rope ladder down to rock bottom and remind me that there isn't anywhere to go but up.