Women, for whatever reason, are always attracted to what society likes to call "bad boys". We do. We love their dominant demeanor, their broody personalities, and of course, their wild, care-free, seemingly invincible out-look on life. They make us feel protected and their wily ways make us feel like we must tame them. They are a challenge, a mystery, and incredibly sexy. They're what we dream about, and, 99% of the time they're the reason we cry ourselves to sleep, become best friends with Ben and Jerry, and question/despise everything we ever loved about ourselves. Because, sexy or not, they're, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, douche bags. And lately, they seem to have multiplied in number,infecting the masses faster than swine flu and breaking more hearts than McDonald's. The cause of this epidemic? A little ol' phrase I've heard muttered by some of the most outstanding men in this world- "Nice guys finish last" (minds out of the gutter please, this is serious business).
Every time I hear a fine upstanding gentlemen tell me they regret their chivalrous ways and kind heart, because girls walk all over them and end up dating/sleeping with/marrying a leather clad *insert foul slang word for male genitalia* I am incensed!
"What is wrong with these women?" I exclaim. "Don't they understand that you think they're perfect in every way and their prick of a boyfriend critiques them into shamed submission?!"
But,as true as my blunt ejaculations are, they make me a hypocrite, because I too continuously chase after the bad boys. I pray, beg, and plead even, for love to come my way. I cry out to the heavens "Dear God! Bring me a man like Bruno Mars who will love me just the way I am! Who will catch a grenade for me even if I kiss him with my eyes wide open!" And now, in hindsight of course because no one ever sees clearly any other way, I see that God has given me many Brunos to fawn over. Attractive men. Strong men. Sexy Men! Men that have lofty goals and ambitions! who are genuinely good people that just want to find a girl and make her happy. To give her the world on a silver platter. They even want to be faithful! I mean, these guys are the real deal, shining armour and everything.
And I always wrote them off, as so many of us do, because they were so easy to love. There was no fight for acceptance, no dysfunction to re-figure, and no guess work. Oh,the money I could have saved on daises with these men! Never having to sit for hours anxiously chanting "he loves me, he loves me not".But time and time again, I walked away from happiness and strode into the steroid assisted arms of confliction and low self-esteem. Because, for whatever reason, our culture has brain washed me and my fellow females to believe that if you aren't fighting, or if you aren't working at it, your relationship is almost, indefinitely broken. So we seek out challenges we never win and, most unfortunately, break the sweetest of hearts.
So this blog is an apology to all the good guys out there. To the white horse riding, armour clad, dragon slaying men who have been fooled, by many women, into believing they "just aren't good enough"; I am truly sorry. You are never given enough credit and always seem to get the short end of the stick. You get cheated on, used, heck, you might even have been abused, and you most definitely finish last. But, only because God saves the best for last. For, after we've had enough of the bad boy blues, we come back, battle scarred and bedraggled, begging you to give us another chance, dying to be rescued from our tower. And, then, after many more apologies and a few dinners before and after a couple dozen movies, you live happily ever after.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Princesses, Party Boys, and Finding the Meaning of Love
On my 17th birthday the woman in my Church whom I had always seen as my Jacksonville grandmother, told me that turning 17 was one of the most memorable moments in her life. It was memorable, she said, because 2 days after her 17th birthday, she married her husband. As of today, they will have been married 63 years. When asked how she felt about her long and seemingly happy marriage, she grinned and said "You know what, you always love em', but I acutally still like him."
They are my heroes. Married for 63 years and they still like each other! But, as much as I idolize them and the beautiful life they live together, a love like there's is a completely foreign concept to me. After all, I went to a high school where love was conjured in a matter of weeks and people changed romantic partners like they changed their socks. College isn't much different, there are just fewer taboos and a lot more booze. But still, even though I don't quite understand it, or see it everyday, I truly believe that love exists, it just doesn't exist in any of the forms we think it does.
Example A: Disney movies-ALL LIES. Riding off into the sunset isn't all it's cracked up to be because guess what ladies and gents-THE SUN GOES DOWN EVENTUALLY. Sure Prince Charming looks great in the glow of the evening, but can you handle him in the pitch black darnkess of night when the snakes come out and the horse is tired? What about after you've been busy being in distress and he's been busy fighting dragons, and because he was saving you from your tower, he forgot to pack a tent in those armoured saddle bags and the next town doesn't have a Holiday Inn Express so your forced to sleep on the ground? There is a reason we don't get to see the Princesses after they live "Happily Ever After", and it's because you can't explain the trials of marriage to a 5 year old girl who probably won't want to own everything Cinderella if she knew that her and Prince Charming are barely hanging on because he accumulated too much debt from horse racing and lost the castle.
Example B: Chick Flicks-MORE LIES. I do love a good tear jerker, but let's be honest, how many rich hot guys give up a life of partying and ridiculously gorgeous jezebels for a girl who's kind of a a control freak,pretends to hate him half the movie and ends up being pretty stubborn? I've never met one in the flesh, and I'm not entirely sure I blame rich hot guys for forgoing commitment with a doozy for one night stands with a floozy. The reality of the situation is that guys don't change. You know why? Because they're human too! I don't want to change who I am for a guy sooooo why would I ask him to do the same?
Example C: Romance novels-LIES AND SLANDER. I admit, they are a lot of fun to read, but they combine both examples a and b and magnify each of them by infinity and beyond. It's cruel really.
So what can we take from all fo this? Well, I can't force you to have an opinion or to agree with mine but, this is my blog so I get to say whatever I think and I think this: that love isn't what makes people get married, it's what happens between all the memorable moments in life. It's not the anniversary presents or the propsal. It isn't the ring, or the wedding, or the night you met it's actually wanting to share your life with someone else. It's riding off into the sunset and not killing each other when you're cold, and broke, and have lost evertyhing. It's being there when the world is crashing down and it seems hopeless. It's doctors visits, and soccer practice, and bills. Unemployment, poverty, bad days, foul moods, deployments, business trips, labour pains, tooth aches, accidents, and everything else that rains on your parade. But it's also being happy for someone else no matter how your life is shaping up. It's celebrating births, new jobs, good grades, success, homecomings, vacations, birthdays, holidays, and just reveling in the existance of another person. Love isn't seeing someone and concluding that they are flawless, it is realizing that the other person is human and accepting their flaws flawlessly. It's missing someone when they are gone.
Love is continuous. It changes, it evolves, it grows faint, but it never disappears completely. If it did, how else would marriages and friendships be able to survive in the tumultuous storms or life?
I know I'm young and have a lot to learn. I know that I'm no expert on love, or sex, or relationships: but there are so many people in my life that prove to me each and everyday that love is all around me. And sure, nothing is perfect. But, to lose faith in love, to assume that it does not exist, would be to ignore all of the people in my life that love me enough to throw a rope ladder down to rock bottom and remind me that there isn't anywhere to go but up.
They are my heroes. Married for 63 years and they still like each other! But, as much as I idolize them and the beautiful life they live together, a love like there's is a completely foreign concept to me. After all, I went to a high school where love was conjured in a matter of weeks and people changed romantic partners like they changed their socks. College isn't much different, there are just fewer taboos and a lot more booze. But still, even though I don't quite understand it, or see it everyday, I truly believe that love exists, it just doesn't exist in any of the forms we think it does.
Example A: Disney movies-ALL LIES. Riding off into the sunset isn't all it's cracked up to be because guess what ladies and gents-THE SUN GOES DOWN EVENTUALLY. Sure Prince Charming looks great in the glow of the evening, but can you handle him in the pitch black darnkess of night when the snakes come out and the horse is tired? What about after you've been busy being in distress and he's been busy fighting dragons, and because he was saving you from your tower, he forgot to pack a tent in those armoured saddle bags and the next town doesn't have a Holiday Inn Express so your forced to sleep on the ground? There is a reason we don't get to see the Princesses after they live "Happily Ever After", and it's because you can't explain the trials of marriage to a 5 year old girl who probably won't want to own everything Cinderella if she knew that her and Prince Charming are barely hanging on because he accumulated too much debt from horse racing and lost the castle.
Example B: Chick Flicks-MORE LIES. I do love a good tear jerker, but let's be honest, how many rich hot guys give up a life of partying and ridiculously gorgeous jezebels for a girl who's kind of a a control freak,pretends to hate him half the movie and ends up being pretty stubborn? I've never met one in the flesh, and I'm not entirely sure I blame rich hot guys for forgoing commitment with a doozy for one night stands with a floozy. The reality of the situation is that guys don't change. You know why? Because they're human too! I don't want to change who I am for a guy sooooo why would I ask him to do the same?
Example C: Romance novels-LIES AND SLANDER. I admit, they are a lot of fun to read, but they combine both examples a and b and magnify each of them by infinity and beyond. It's cruel really.
So what can we take from all fo this? Well, I can't force you to have an opinion or to agree with mine but, this is my blog so I get to say whatever I think and I think this: that love isn't what makes people get married, it's what happens between all the memorable moments in life. It's not the anniversary presents or the propsal. It isn't the ring, or the wedding, or the night you met it's actually wanting to share your life with someone else. It's riding off into the sunset and not killing each other when you're cold, and broke, and have lost evertyhing. It's being there when the world is crashing down and it seems hopeless. It's doctors visits, and soccer practice, and bills. Unemployment, poverty, bad days, foul moods, deployments, business trips, labour pains, tooth aches, accidents, and everything else that rains on your parade. But it's also being happy for someone else no matter how your life is shaping up. It's celebrating births, new jobs, good grades, success, homecomings, vacations, birthdays, holidays, and just reveling in the existance of another person. Love isn't seeing someone and concluding that they are flawless, it is realizing that the other person is human and accepting their flaws flawlessly. It's missing someone when they are gone.
Love is continuous. It changes, it evolves, it grows faint, but it never disappears completely. If it did, how else would marriages and friendships be able to survive in the tumultuous storms or life?
I know I'm young and have a lot to learn. I know that I'm no expert on love, or sex, or relationships: but there are so many people in my life that prove to me each and everyday that love is all around me. And sure, nothing is perfect. But, to lose faith in love, to assume that it does not exist, would be to ignore all of the people in my life that love me enough to throw a rope ladder down to rock bottom and remind me that there isn't anywhere to go but up.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Venus, Mars, and Your Anus
So lately I have been talking to the men in my life, not the ones I'm interested in, but the ones that I'm related to who are old enough to know a thing or two about life, but aren't old enough to tell me what to do. And let me tell you, they are handy to have around.
I've always been a romantic cynic when it comes to relationships. I've always thought the notion of being in a committed situation be it marriage or simple dating, is nice and rather convenient, but like all other women, I've been hurt a time or two and though I haven't given up on men, being in relationship with them isn't on my list of things to do. Why might you ask? Well, aside from being cheated on....a lot, and being told "I love you and your perfect and you're the girl of my dreams but I really just want to sleep around right now" once or twice, I've decided that if men don't really want to be committed, I'm not going to try to commit them. It's painful, it's stressful, and in the end, everyone ends up screwed (almost never in the fun way).
The men in my life however, have opened my eyes to a new concept that I assumed was a myth (you might want to sit down for this one ladies) SEX DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO MEN. COSMO IS LYING TO YOU!
This shocked me at first because I'm a girl and having been a virgin for 18 years, sex means a whole lot to me. In fact, I've always seen it as an emotional experience, a joining of two souls and other feminine mumbojumbo female relatives brainwash you into believing. Turns out however, guys really don't think of it this way. Sure there are exceptions, but as a general rule, guys can sleep with one women and go home to another because he still loves and cares about the girl at home, but if she isn't cutting it in the bedroom, well, he has needs.
At first, this sounded disgusting and piggish, but now I am totally relieved that men operate like this for a two reasons.
1-When I was cheated on, it wasn't because I wasn't good enough or that they didn't care about me, it was simply because I wasn't putting out. Which is kind of a win if you think about it, no pregnancy scares,no birth control and no damage to my self esteem when I find out his ass is unfaithful and kick him to the curb :)
2-If you want to keep a man, be everything you are and everything you want to be, but keep him happy in the bedroom. Of course, it's not all about him, but if you do decide to be in a relationship that is ridiculously long and intricate, don't stop having sex because you think you've caught him, that's just lazy. And if you don't want to have sex with him, leave, because biologically, you both should want to procreate and psychologically, if you are in "love" then you should want to procreate together.
Maybe this isn't news to you, maybe you're laughing your ass off, maybe no one cares at all; but if they key to relationship happiness and spousal fidelity is humping like rabbits, then the rest of life can't be all that difficult and there isn't much distance between Venus, Mars, and Your Anus :)
I've always been a romantic cynic when it comes to relationships. I've always thought the notion of being in a committed situation be it marriage or simple dating, is nice and rather convenient, but like all other women, I've been hurt a time or two and though I haven't given up on men, being in relationship with them isn't on my list of things to do. Why might you ask? Well, aside from being cheated on....a lot, and being told "I love you and your perfect and you're the girl of my dreams but I really just want to sleep around right now" once or twice, I've decided that if men don't really want to be committed, I'm not going to try to commit them. It's painful, it's stressful, and in the end, everyone ends up screwed (almost never in the fun way).
The men in my life however, have opened my eyes to a new concept that I assumed was a myth (you might want to sit down for this one ladies) SEX DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO MEN. COSMO IS LYING TO YOU!
This shocked me at first because I'm a girl and having been a virgin for 18 years, sex means a whole lot to me. In fact, I've always seen it as an emotional experience, a joining of two souls and other feminine mumbojumbo female relatives brainwash you into believing. Turns out however, guys really don't think of it this way. Sure there are exceptions, but as a general rule, guys can sleep with one women and go home to another because he still loves and cares about the girl at home, but if she isn't cutting it in the bedroom, well, he has needs.
At first, this sounded disgusting and piggish, but now I am totally relieved that men operate like this for a two reasons.
1-When I was cheated on, it wasn't because I wasn't good enough or that they didn't care about me, it was simply because I wasn't putting out. Which is kind of a win if you think about it, no pregnancy scares,no birth control and no damage to my self esteem when I find out his ass is unfaithful and kick him to the curb :)
2-If you want to keep a man, be everything you are and everything you want to be, but keep him happy in the bedroom. Of course, it's not all about him, but if you do decide to be in a relationship that is ridiculously long and intricate, don't stop having sex because you think you've caught him, that's just lazy. And if you don't want to have sex with him, leave, because biologically, you both should want to procreate and psychologically, if you are in "love" then you should want to procreate together.
Maybe this isn't news to you, maybe you're laughing your ass off, maybe no one cares at all; but if they key to relationship happiness and spousal fidelity is humping like rabbits, then the rest of life can't be all that difficult and there isn't much distance between Venus, Mars, and Your Anus :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)